The type of people you find at the Manchester Christmas Markets
3. The dutiful Mancunian - Present because it is their annual duty and a way of showing their unshakable patriotism towards their city. They shall circle the market no more than twice and purchase a hot beverage as a mark of respect.
4. The woman who came all the way from Stoke and is dammed if she's leaving empty handed - I'm not sure a stainless steel potato peeler qualifies as a Christmas present, but your heart was in the right place, Sue.
5. The dude with Bratwurst remains lingering in his beard for the foreseeable further - Saving some for later, I like your thinking!
6. The young mother who pushes her triple-decker, two-metre wide pram containing 9 small children over your foot and then reverses over it for good measure - Oh hey, why not roll over my other foot and murder my dog while you're at it?
7. The students who are on their third mulled wine before noon and not handling matters particularly well - Please refrain from vomiting near the Bratwurst stand, I am trying to eat.
8. The besotted young couple who have just purchased their very first Christmas tree together and are so excited by the prospect, that they fail to notice the trail of devastation they have left behind by said Christmas tree - This includes depositing countless pine needles in an innocent by-standers Paella and blinding an elderly man.
9. The child who smears his chocolate covered strawberries all over your favourite winter coat and ruins your entire experience - Well, this is unfortunate.
10. The extremely attractive, exotic-sounding vendor, whose good looks are the only legitimate reason why he could be selling so much reindeer skin - I will take 6 skins please, they will really brighten up my studio apartment.
11. The lifestyle bloggers, who are merely there for aesthetic reasons - Instagram photo checklist; Selfie with the Big Santa against the backdrop of the Town Hall, selfie drinking festive beverage of choice, selfie holding the latest Manchester Christmas Markets Mug, selfie with a bratwurst, selfie of someone taking a selfie with one of the aforementioned selfie themes.